Monday, June 24, 2013

A Spider and the Soap Bottle that could (Or Why I Need A Eucalyptus Plant)

This just in: Eucalyptus keeps spiders, ticks, fleas, aphids and ants at bay. Guess what plant I am totally getting tomorrow? Yeah, a pretty plant that Koalas eat. Oh, that reminds me. . .

*Insert memory swirl here*

Once upon a time, I was about to step into my shower when something in the corner caught my eye. Why, a spider! A freakin' gigantic, fat, black spider. Right in front of the shower! There I stand; frozen, naked and afraid of whether or not it would charge at me like those face-suckers on Aliens 2 (not like 3, 4, and apparently 5 coming in 2016, we don't count those movies) and launch itself at me or start stabbing me like Shelob on LOTR. A thought crossed my head as I was caught like a deer in the headlights...


It was frozen too, as if it was deciding what to do with me. Should it hide away now and then come back later in her asleep and create a nest in her hair? Should it start up the wall and then hover over her and drop unexpectedly as she desperately tried to take the fastest shower in history? Or should it just sit still and watch as the human starts to have a nervous breakdown and cry for her mommy? Hmm, it thinks, decisions, decisions.
If I just had a pretty, pretty plant that smelled good by my hallway window I would not have had to chuck my Soap bottle at the spider and splatter It's guts all over the tub. It probably wouldn't have wanted to come inside that way. It would have walked on It's eight little, terrifying legs outside and was like, 'Dude, I am so not going in there, there's like a plant and stuff' and just kept on crawling by. If only, freaky, evil black spider, if only...

End story time.

Next, on the Notions: Neighborhood yard sales and all their glory.

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